The Touchy-Feely Drunk
by OnlyTheInevitable
Summary: Hawkeye gets a call to pick up a very drunk Mustang, and it would be much easier if he would just keep his hands to himself. Royai


I want to thank everyone who has given me such lovely feedback on my recent stories, you have no clue how happy it makes me when I get such positive responses to the stories I write :) The photo is from amarevia on deviantart :) I want to give a special thank you to Hawkstang and Kitsune-Blue, each of them have left me kind and funny feedback on both of my Royai stories and I love them. I hope you enjoy :)

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Riza POV

Sometimes the Colonel could be so irresponsible I have to resist the urge to shoot some sense into him. I specifically told him that if he goes out drinking he needs to either limit himself or have a responsible designated driver. Of course he never listens though, so he went to the bar, got completely wasted, and called me.

"Hawkeye speaking, who is this?" I snapped into the phone, my voice laced with sleep

"Hey Riza! Do you think you could do me a favor?" the very slurred voice of a very drunk Roy Mustang came through my telephone

"Colonel, how much did you have to drink tonight?" I asked wiping my hand across my face in an effort to wake myself up.

"Hughes dared me to a shot contest and I waged that I could drink twice as much as he could, so I had around... fourteen shots I think." There was an obvious pause where he struggled with the math.

"You need me to come get you, don't you?" I yawned out

"I'm sorry, I can always walk home if you can't, it's no big deal." he apologized, Images of him stumbling around the streets and walking into random peoples homes invaded my mind.

"No sir, stay there, it's fine. I'm assuming your at your normal bar? I'll be over as soon as I can." I reassured

"Thanks Riza, I owe you." he said before hanging up. He only called me Riza when he's really drunk and the foreign name coming from him makes me feel a sense of happiness, _not that I'll ever let him know that_.

I make my way to the door and throw my long trench coat over my pajamas, which consisted of a black t-shirt and shorts. I slip on my shoes and after letting Hayate know I'll be back, I walk down my apartment stairs and head out to my car. There's a heavy chill in the air since it's mid October so I want to pick up the Colonel as soon as I can since he's already been standing outside for a good ten minutes.

It only takes me a short time to get to him since there's not a lot of traffic at two in the morning. I cruise along the street the bar's on until I see the obvious outline of Mustang supporting himself against a phone booth. I pull the car over and put it in park before getting out to help him. As I walked towards him he turned his body towards me and his face lit up with recognition,

"Hawkeye! I didn't expect to see you here! Do you wanna go have a drink with me?" he practically shouted as he stumbled towards me.

"No, I'm here to take you home Mustang. You called me earlier because you need to go home." I sighed taking ahold of his arm, putting it around my shoulder to help support him as I get him to the car.

"So you don't wanna have a drink with me? Riza, I'm hurt." he pouted, sticking his bottom lip out like a child while I buckled him into the passenger seat.

"You've had plenty to drink for tonight Colonel. You're going to have a horrible hangover tomorrow and then use that as an excuse not to do your paperwork." I said, As I pulled back from the car to close the door, I felt a hand wrap around the belt on my coat and tug me forward, making me face to face with Mustang.

"Do you promise to drink with me on a different day?" he asked. His expression, attempting to suave, coming across as a pleading puppy.

"Yes. Fine. Only if you let go of my coat so I can get you home." I negotiated. He looked appeased and he released his grip.

I went around the the otherside of the car, taking my seat, and I started the car up. His home is only about fifteen blocks away from the bar so I start down the straight road. After a few moments I notice movement and look over to see him messing with the console of the car.

"Isn't there a way to make it warmer in here?" he asks while touching everything he can

"No, and don't touch everything like that, you could mess the car up." I told him sternly.

He leaned back in his seat resignedly and I turned my eyes back to the road. I pressed my foot on the break and waited at a red light for a few moments before I felt some pressure on my shoulder. I looked down to see a mass of black hair snuggling up against the crook of my neck.

"Sir, what are you doing?" I asked a little taken aback by the closeness.

"You're warm and I want to be too." he reasoned, pressing his cheek to my collarbone.

"Well, we're almost to your house so don't get too comfortable." I stammered out.

As the words left my mouth his street came into view, I turned the corner and went into his driveway before turning off the car. I unbuckled my seat belt and got out, making my way to the otherside of the car to help him. When I turned the corner it was apparent he thought he could do it himself. He was able to open the door... and then fall to the ground.

"Sir, just wait for me to help you." I reprimanded while helping him up.

He rubbed his face sloppily with the hand not wrapped around my shoulder as we walked up to the door. Once we were standing on the doorstep he felt around in his pocket before raising a fist and knocking on the door.

"Sir..What are you doing?" I asked confused

"I left my house key in my jacket in Hughes car." he replied focused on the door.

"Is there someone inside to let you in?" I asked dubiously, hoping for a yes so I wouldn't feel bad about leaving him alone in this state.

"No, I live alone Riza." he said as if he hadn't just knocked on his own door.

I slapped to my face in disbelief. _This is the man who wants to become Führer._ I turn us around and get us back to the car, buckling him in and closing the door before getting in myself.

"Are you kidnapping me?" he said with a smile

"I'm not going to exactly leave you outside your house in the cold. You're going to have to stay at my place. You have your uniform on so you're already prepared to go to work tomorrow, where you can get your keys back from Hughes." I told him making my way down his street to start the fifteen minutes drive to my apartment.

Before I can even get on the main street he's returned to his position of sitting flush against my side, resting is head on my shoulder. I can feel his hot breath against my neck and I can't help but enjoy it, but that thought is immediately interrupted when I feel fingers running up my thigh.

"Riza are you wearing anything under this?" He asked amused, moving his hand upwards, pushing against the fabric of my coat.

"Yes, I'm wearing my pajamas." I stutter. I can feel a dark blush painting my cheeks and I'm thankful he can't see since its so dark.

"Lingerie?" he smirked, drawing patterns into the visible flesh of my thigh.

"No, short and a T-shirt, sorry to disappoint you." I answer trying to separate his hand and my leg.

"You could never disappoint me, you look beautiful in anything." he said nuzzling closer to me, he put his mouth against my ear, "I knew you had perfect legs for a miniskirt."

"If you keep getting closer to me you're going to make me crash." I said trying to cover up my embarrassment at his comment.

I felt him detach his hand from my thigh and I let out a small sigh of relief that the distractions gone, but as soon as I do I feel his body turn towards me and his hand moving into my coat, resting on my ribs. He escencially was hugging me.

"This isn't any less distracting!" I say exasperatedly

"But your comfy and you smell good! You never let me be this close to you without threatening to shoot me!" he whined tightening his grip on me.

"I am capable of driving and shooting you." I stoically reply.

He put his mouth on my ear again before whispering "I don't feel a gun on you." While talking he ran his hand from my ribs all the way down to the waistline of my pants, loosening the tie on my coat a little bit.

If I thought I had been blushing before, my face is on fire now. He teased the hem of my shirt upwards so he's completely touching the flesh of my hip, rubbing small circles into my skin. He's so close that I can smell the scent of his cologne and the bitter smell of alcohol. I'm proud of myself for not crashing the car yet. I can feel his face against my neck and I can tell he's pressing small, gentle kisses against my neck leading up to and across my jawline. He goes back down to the hollow of my neck and gently nips at the skin and I feel a small sucking sensation. I'm enjoying this way too much and decide I need to try to get him off.

"We're almost to my house Sir, you should probably untangle yourself so I can get you inside and put us to bed" I say clearing my throat.

"Did my little Hawkeye just imply we're going to be sleeping together?" he asked suggestively. I hadn't realized how I worded my statement.

"No, I mean once we get there we are going to sleep. You're going on the couch." I clarify.

"Awwh, Riza I was looking forward to sleeping with you." he said with a wink

I sighed again as I pulled into the driveway of the apartment building and turned off the car. "We're here Sir, please let go so I can get us inside." I grunt while trying to pry him off

"I'll let go if you call me Roy." he beamed, pulling me closer so I was almost in his lap.

_Well if this is the only way I might as well not waste time._ "Roy, can you please let me go?" I ask slowly as if talking to a child.

He smiled satisfactorally and let go. I quickly took advantage of the opportunity and got us both out of the car as fast as possible. He still required my help walking so it took a while walking to the door and getting up the stairs was a journey itself. Once we finally got to my floor and got into the apartment I was exhausted. I locked the door behind us and led him to the couch.

"This is where you're going to be sleeping tonight, you should take off the outer layer of your uniform so it doesn't get all wrinkly and while you do that I'll grab you a blanket and pillow." I instructed making my way down the hall.

Once I reached the closet I took off my coat and shoes and retrieved the items I needed. When I got back to the living room I had to stifle my laughter at the sight before me. Instead of unbuttoning his uniform top he tried to pull it over his head leaving him struggling with the fabric trapping his arms over his head. He was a bit more successful with his pants, he got them around his ankles but his shoes were trapping him there. So that plus his flailing arms led him to falling down onto the couch. I set the items I brought onto the chair next to the couch and I made my way towards him.

"Here let me help you before you hurt yourself." I said laughing

He stopped struggling so I took that as accepting my offer. I pulled his shirt back down and began unbuttoning it all the way down. I could feel his eyes staring intently at me while I worked but I chose to ignore it. Once all the buttons were undone I helped him slide his arms out of the coat, it wasn't until I felt his breath on my chest that I realized, since he was sitting and I was standing and leaning down, I was giving him a total view down my shirt and thats what the staring was for. I quickly moved away and set the top on the back of the chair holding the pillow and blanket. I walked back to him and got on my knees to untie his shoe laces, after I got that done I took this shoes and pants over to where his top was and placed them next to it. I got the blanket and pillow and handed them to him.

"Here you go, If you need anything feel free to find it." I said trying to advert my eyes from his boxer clad figure.

He laid out the blanket before laying down. "Thanks Riza, you're the best." he mumbled with closed eyes.

"Goodnight Colonel." I said before turning out the lights and heading to my room.

As soon as I plopped down on the bed the exhaustion really hit me. I burrowed under the covers and stretched out before closing my eyes. It couldn't have been more than ten minutes after falling asleep that I was woken up by someone getting in my bed.

"Sir what are you doing?" I asked before being gently pushed back down onto the bed.

"You said if I needed something I could look for it, well I found what I needed." he said pulling the covers over him. He turned his body facing mine and pulled me into a soft embrace.

"G'night" he said before falling asleep.

I laid there for a moment inhaling his unique scent and enjoying his strong arms wrapped around me. _Well, I can always pretend I didn't know he snuck into my bed when I tell him what happened tomorrow. For now I'll just enjoy this moment._

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Yaaaaay Royai fic #3 is complete :) I hope it wasn't too OOC. If you liked this one you should check out my other stories "Are you naked?" and "Awkward Position". Any type of Review is welcome and I hope you enjoyed :) -Love Nicole


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